so, things are beginning to be okay again for once:
1. I have started therapy. Although, I’m not benefitting from it as much as I could have last year, it still helps a lot with the pain. I probably could have healed ten times faster than I did if I started therapy last December.
2. I have forgotten the past. I know it’s impossible to really and truely ‘forget’ but I am putting it behind me. Last year, on my fifteenth birthday I was a mess. None of my friends came to my party except for Tori. Last December was the saddest time of my life. It has taken a year to realize it, talk about it, not be scared of it, distance myself from it, learn from it, and not putting it into consideration when making decisions. It has taken me a year to actually live my life without fear of the past.
3. Tomorrow is my sixteenth birthday. Even though no one will remember, or care, I still am very excited. My friend Emm is baking me PURPLE CUPCAKES! I have never been more thrilled because someone actually cares enough to bake me something. She is so sweet.
4. I have realized that even at my old school people think negitivley of me, I am at a new school now. People here care about me and I have friends. There’s a reason the people from my past didn’t make it into my future.
5. I don’t have regrets about not talking to my grandmother anymore. I could’ve been better, surely, but I did a lot too. I miss her and all I wanted was a goodbye. The scariest thing about this is that I will never see her again. Death is such an easy concept, but when it happens to you it’s not so easy. I really hope there is such a thing called heaven. I am trying my best to believe, for her.
6. I started new ‘happy pills.’ They have made me, indeed, happy! I am bubbly and entergetic and friendly. I don’t hold walls up. I make friends easily now. My mom says she’s scared when tomorrow I’m allowed to take a full pill and not just half of one, because I was very hyper today. But at least I was happy.
7. I can finally trust others again. I trust people until they break my trust. It used to be that you had to earn my trust, but I can see that people are people. We are not all the same. Some can be trusted and others can’t. You choose who you trust, but sometimes it’s not always easy. Some will break my trust. Some already did. But I’d like to think I have a good head on my shoulders now, to choose the people who have my trust. Besides, I always have an urge to tell people things. It’s better to say too much than to never say what you need to say again. And yes, that was a John Mayer quote(:
449. THOSE STUPID FLASHING CHRISTMAS LIGHTS ON YOUR HOUSE ARE NOT ENJOYABLE IN ANY WAY AND COULD INDUCE SEIZURES.
(via gotwisdom)
“In three words, I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It Goes On.”
— Robert Frost
